I didn't go to work Monday. I didn't go teach yesterday either. And today, I've been mildly productive but it wasn't in the classroom. You see, Friday was my last day. Even though I followed all of my resolutions it became clearer and clearer that this wasn't going to work out. The amount of money I sank into classroom speaks to the fact that I really wanted to see this school through to the end, and my conscience rests easy in that regard.
I love teaching. I love seeing the light come on in a student's eyes as they whisper "oh" when an explanation finally clicks. I love it so much that I am willing to put up with the inopportune parent emails, the grading that has to be taken home every night, and the lesson planning that only gets done on weekends. But the difficulty abut teaching is that it asks you to give and to give and to give and it's really hard to draw the line where the giving is too much. Where I had to draw the line was when this vocation was harming my primary one. The school wasn't a good fit and it was getting to the point that it was harming my health, my faith and my marriage. It wasn't fair to Mark the home that I was creating. I did not make the decision to leave lightly but the amount of peace I feel now, and the fact that my shoulders are a foot lower, tell me that I made the right decision.
The classroom hasn't seen the last of me. Moving forward, I want to gain more experience by observing classrooms and substitute teaching. Teachers are so generous in the helping those less experienced and the few days I spent observing last year were invaluable. I'm not rushing back into things. The last fit wasn't such a good one, but when the right one comes along, I'll be ready.
The hero in all this is Mark. He's believed in me every step of the way. Given me advice. Trusted my decisions. And didn't even balk when our household income was decreased by a third. (Secretly, I think he's grown attached to the idea of me playing a more decorative role in our home...that or he's tired of finding his own socks.)