Pregnancy after a Preemie: FAQ (7QT Vol. 22)

After yesterday's announcement, I thought I'd dedicate today's post to all those burning questions that *I'd* be dying to ask, but that *you* have far too many social graces to voice aloud. After all, when a first pregnancy ends in delivery at 27 weeks, a second pregnancy tends to have every one a little on edge.

1.) Was this planned?

As in, "were we charting?" Nope. As someone with chronic fertility issues, I've been fortunate to have always been under the care of a Napro Surgical Fellow, aka the Catholic infertility treatment gold standard. But after *years* post-Isaac of trying a multitude of treatments/surgeries/diets, we'd closed the door on there being a medical solution sometime around last August. Funny story: after years of multiple appointments per month for infertility treatment, when I arrived for my first ob appointment, I had to fill out the new patient form since it had been so long since I'd been there. Under the line, "How did you hear about us?" I wrote, "seriously?"

2.) So what was different this time?

Well, I can say for sure that it wasn't that I was more relaxed! My doctor asked the same question, and all I could offer in response was "I gained 15 lbs, and started a high stress BSN program?" In fact, a few weeks before we found out we were expecting, Mark and I were on a much needed date after the upheaval my going back to school full time had caused our family. We hadn't even made it to the movie theater yet, when he mentioned in passing that he was trying out a new password manager on his internet browser to see if he liked it better than the old one. (His master's is in information security, what can I say?) My response was to burst into tears, because "I couldn't handle one more thing being different!"

3.) Will the issues you faced in Isaac's pregnancy be a factor in how this one goes?

Um, yes, to put it mildly, see below for more. Acquaintances like to remind me that, "every pregnancy is different!" to which I think in my head, "but my cervix is still the same!" (Read: incompetent) Couldn't they have come up with a slightly less insulting medical diagnosis than "incompetent cervix?"

4.) But surely there are treatment options?

Yes, yes there are, and we've pursued them. All of them. Get comfy.

Way back in 2015, we met with a number of specialists, both locally and long distance, and came to the conclusion that the best option for me would be to have a permanently placed trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC) that would give me a greater than 90% chance of carrying my pregnancies full term with no physical restrictions during pregnancy (a huge concern for me, as we were the then proud parents of a super rambunctious toddler) The only catch was, after the cerclage was placed, I'd only be able to deliver via C-section. The trade off in our minds was a no brainer. Where do I sign? We were additionally lucky that although there aren't that many maternal-fetal medicine specialists that perform this surgery (even worldwide) we just happened to have one such doctor right down the road. Done and done.

5.) So you're all good now, right?

Not so much. Shortly after recovering from that surgery (which was like having another c-section, minus the baby part), I started having new, different and definitely more painful fertility issues. After another year of unsuccessful treatment, my Napro doctor (not the one who did the TAC) recommended a surgery with her because: lots of good reasons I won't go into. Anyway, we decided to go for it, knowing that there was every possibility there might not be anything she could "fix." We also agreed that this would be our last surgical intervention as far as trying to conceive was concerned. Good thing we did. I'll spare you the details but the words "cervical" and "erosion" were used in the same sentence, and the long and short of it was the TAC was not working, had probably never worked, was compromising my health, definitely was causing more harm than good, and had to be removed. Later, I followed up with a surgeon in Chicago who is the leader in the U.S. when it comes to this procedure to get his opinion on how this could have happened. In his entire decades long career, he'd seen this happen 4 times. Including me. Umm, yeah

6.) Wait, what? So where does that leave things now for this pregnancy?

Well, my cervix is still incompetent and now cerclage-less, so we were back to the more run-of-the-mill, but slightly less effective routine treatment for IC: a temporary cerclage placed vaginally during pregnancy but after the first trimester. It's the same procedure I had done when I was admitted to the hospital at 22 weeks with Isaac. Except this time, it was placed preventatively, not emergently, so there was a lot more cervix to work with. That was done back in April, so now we wait and see, and I'm under medical orders to take things easy.

There's lots of talk these days about bedrest not being effective in high risk pregnancies, and while that may be true for some, even many, in my case, gravity literally is a factor in carrying a baby to term. And so my doctors have me on limited activity. For now, I can be up and about 4-6 hours every day, but am not to do any lifting or bending down or housework or cooking or grocery shopping or laundry etc. Fun times. I finished the spring semester for my BSN program but am now on a medical leave of absence. Every two weeks, I meet with my mfm for a cervical length check via ultrasound and if it looks like things are shortening, my restrictions will increase, and/or I might need to be admitted to the hospital for bedrest there. So far, things are measuring great, and we hope and pray that it stays that way.

7.) How are you feeling about all this?

Bizarrely at peace? We've done what we can, and the risk for miscarriage has passed so that has me resting easier. We had zero input as to the timing of this baby's arrival, so clearly God's the one in charge. I will say though, I don't measure my pregnancy by my due date. Life after the NICU has me measuring it by other mile stones. July 6th is the official date of viability. July 28th is the equivalent of when Isaac was born (literally the most pregnant I have ever been!). If we make it to August 31st, my regular ob can deliver us at her regular hospital, because after 32 weeks, we wouldn't need a Level 3+ NICU close at hand. Anytime after October 5th would mean that this little guy is full term, which as they say in Louisiana, would be lagniappe!

Congrats for putting up with me until the end. Does that answer all your questions? Clearly, I've got no problem with my life being an open book, so ask away if there's anything you'd like to know! And I'm linking up with Kelly for good measure :)

If a Mom Goes Back to School Full Time

If a mom goes back to school full time, she's going to need some new school supplies:

Pilot Frixion Erase-able Pens are life changing. #allthecolors

Her bullet journal won't cut it anymore, so she'll need a new planner:

(But it's all good, because with the accelerated program she's in, she'll have her new degree before she'll need a new one #foreshadowing).

Just writing in exam dates will fill it up very quickly:

That's 12 exams just for the month of April

via GIPHY

She'll put as much thought into the color of her stethoscope as she used to put into choosing a Lisa Frank trapper keeper. Because really, these are the big decisions.

via GIPHY

She'll finally have a legitimate reason to buy scrubs


via GIPHY

And she'll have to fill out a FAFSA...again



via GIPHY

Once classes start, it will take a super supportive husband and multiple people/services to replace her role at home: cleaning ladies, meal kits, babysitters.

via GIPHY

Life will feel...a little chaotic

via GIPHY

And then 6 weeks into the program, God will decide this should happen

(She'll take 4 tests because she doesn't believe it's true)

Baby BOY Bazin 2.0 arriving later this year!

Seven Quick Takes (Vol. 21): The Lent-est of Takes

1. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a person trying to live a good Lent will find lots of things to detach from-things they weren't even looking to give up. Let me explain, no there is too much, let me sum up: 

Right around when spring break started is when all the dominoes started to fall. A broken a/c, an $800 bill to repair said a/c, canceled trips to the beach (see a/c repair), late night drives to the ER for bad croup, return trips home from the ER when 3 year olds magically improve the minute you pull into the ER parking lot, canceled trips to the rodeo (see trips to the ER), broken engine mounts in cars that are only 3 years old, power outages, and remember that a/c repair? It lasted only 2 weeks before the diagnosis was: we're gonna need to replace the entire HVAC system. Sigh. Silver lining? Replacing an HVAC in March is far more pleasant than replacing one in August. 

2. A good (quick) Lenten read: "The Mental Sufferings of Our Lord in His Passion" a homily by Cardinal John Henry Newman. This English major is rusty, and the diction took a bit to get used to, but here's a money quote:

"Oh, who does not know the misery of a haunting thought which comes again and again, in spite of rejection, to annoy, if it cannot seduce? or of some odious and sickening imagination, in no sense one’s own, but forced upon the mind from without? or of evil knowledge, gained with or without a man’s fault, but which he would give a great price to be rid of at once and for ever? And adversaries such as these gather around Thee, Blessed Lord..."

3. Some Lenten viewing: The Letters, available on Netflix, starring Juliet Stevenson. Credit for this one goes to my sister Jessica. Inspiring to say the least. Lots of pondering after about "how should one spend a life", and more to the point, "how how should one spend one's love?" Now I want to read this book to get to know Mother Teresa better.

4. Some Lenten eating: For a while now, Mark and I have been following a ketogenic diet, more on that another day. So fish sticks and macaroni & cheese are out when it comes to Lenten meals. This tuna salad recipe is what I have for lunch, (it's the best in the world) and dinner is whatever cut of salmon is on sale, lightly smoked on the grill (doesn't that sound posh?) with another America's Test Kitchen Recipe-Quick Green Bean Casserole. The recipe is behind a paywall, but here are the salient details-fresh green beans, sliced baby bella mushrooms, shallots, cream and chicken broth, they use some flour, but I leave it out. No Cream of Mushroom soup involved. Both of these recipes fit the criteria for THM S meals, and are ketogenic compliant. 

5. Some Lenten fasting: So I gave up Facebook before Christmas. The political vitriol from all sides post-election was a convenient nudge. I liked it so much, I decided to keep going. It's been very freeing. Now when I want to share something funny, I text a friend or one of my sisters-yay for real human interaction. Of course, not having an active account on Facebook means the readership for this post will probably be in the single digits, but on the upside, I'm no longer compelled to form opinions about every tempest in a teapot that comes along. It also means I need to find another news source. Instagram doesn't really keep me up on current events.

And then I took the screen fasting to a whole 'nother level, turned into my mother, and decided Isaac was giving up screen time too. The detox has only lasted about a week and a half, and I can't even say he's 100% screen sober, but it's made such a difference in the way he acts at school that his teachers thought he was sick (read: calm)! Mom guilt, party of one.

6. Speaking of Isaac, so far his sense of Lent/Holy Week/Easter is mainly a vague sense of foreboding that there's a lot of church coming up in the near future. We need to start celebrating more saint feast days that don't involve being brought gifts. When I was telling him about St. Patrick's Day, he announced, "He can bring me presents, just like St. Nicholas!" The Easter Bunny nabbed the complete set of Beatrix Potter books on Ebay for not an arm and a leg, so Isaac will probably be raising him to sainthood soon.

Source

Hammering his very own Easter basket

7. And, to round things out, in the space between this post going from draft to published, our sewer line clogged. Mark's heading out to rent a 100 ft auger as I type. Happy Lenting everyone!

Linking up with Kelly, a day late and a dollar short.

Seven Quick Takes (Vol. 20)

~1~

Kelly's got a link-toberfest extravaganza going on this week, and really all month, to celebrate the 7th anniversary of Seven Quick Takes. I missed answering last week's featured question since we were traveling (see #5) What was your first quick takes post? Mine was way back in June of 2011. It featured commentary on short stories my first graders wrote for the end of the school year. Their stories were way better than my quick takes. And in answer to this week's question, this is my 20th Seven Quick Takes Post.

~2~

We're celebrating Isaac's birthday this weekend and I tried to make his cookie cake this morning. Lesson learned: One does not double an Ina Garten recipe and expect it to fit in a slightly bigger pan. Looks like I'll be starting over this afternoon. The longer I baked this one, the more spilled over the sides. Hopefully the burned cookie on the bottom of the oven won't affect the flavor too much.

~3~

Lots of lovely ladies in my part of town have been having babies. Including this one. Chances are, if I bring you a meal after you've had a baby, you will be getting one of two recipes. Irish Stew with Mashed Potatoes or Carnitas & Mexican Rice. Both can be made in a slow cooker, for those days when your heart is telling you it's stew season, but your mind is saying, "It's 95 degrees!"

~4~

My birthday was the last Friday of September. Earlier in the week, I was at a doctor's appointment (#notpregnant). She noticed my birthday coming up, and asked our plans. I mentioned we'd been having a hard time finding a sitter, so she wrote down the information for a babysitting service of grandmothers that they use and love. On her prescription pad. Date night as prescribed medical care? I'll take it.

~5~

Taking advantage of Isaac's last few weeks of free travel, he and I accompanied Mark on a work trip to San Diego. While dad sat in conferences, we went to La Jolla Cove, and the San Diego Zoo. I think we chose the better part. 

Enjoying his California Adventures

~6~

On a whim, we drove up to Anaheim early Saturday morning for a day at Disneyland and called it an early birthday present for Isaac. In doing so, we broke the cardinal rule of Disney going- plan your trip around the crowds. Of course the one random Saturday we decided to go would end up being the most crowded day of 2015. Good thing we followed the other Disney rule of getting to the park right when it opened. The first two hours were when we were able to do the most. By 10 am even the line for beignets was 45 minutes long. We clocked 11 miles of stroller pushing. At the end of the day we were glad we'd come, but decided, if there's a next time, it'll be

in Orlando.

~7~

When we ask the professional photographer to take a picture with our phones

And when we try ourselves, I think we'll stick with the professionals

A Stretching-the-Season Fall Wreath

A few weeks ago, one trip to Hobby Lobby + one nap time + one Amazon Prime shipment = 

This

Not too bad, right? My favorite part about this wreath is the color scheme. It says fall, but the cranberry color of the apples not only ties in well with the maroon of our door (and shutters) but will keep this wreath looking seasonal well past Thanksgiving, buying some time before the season calls for something more wintery. As an added bonus, the browns in the pinecones and eucalyptus help tie-in the brown of any bare spots where the wreath shows through, making that look intentional, not sloppy. Wink.

Here's how I made it happen. I started with this tutorial, but with a smaller wreath, so I didn't need as many flowers. What I did need:

1 18" grapevine wreath
3 burlap roses
2 stems of crab apples
2-3 stems of brown eucalyptus
4-5 stems of cream chrysanthemums
1 stem of miniature pine cones
Floral wire
Heavy Duty wire cutters

Close ups of the florals used

My wreath wasn't perfectly round, so the most lopsided edge became my starting point. The fullness of the roses rounded that part out so it's not really noticeable anymore.

Station break for iphone "in progress" photos. You will need to vacuum the rug you build this on

The underbelly

As suggested in the tutorial, I was mostly able to weave the wire stems of the flowers into the vines to secure them. But for things that "stick out" like the eucalyptus and pinecones, I used wire to tie them down so they would lay where I wanted them.

These flowers are not going anywhere

For hanging the wreath, magnetic wreath hangers were useless; they slid down or popped off immediately. Double paned leaded glass might have something to do with that. Since our door is painted, I didn't want to use a metal hanger that could damage the paint as it rubbed. Amazon Prime came through with this intense suction cup, and though I was skeptical, it's worked like a dream.

Sturdy and not even very noticeable

So there you have it, a naptime-sized project of a DIY wreath. 

Blisters and Broken Legs

Picking up where we left off, I’ve still got post-partum thoughts rattling around in my brain almost two years later. What better place to put them than here?

After 5 weeks of hospital bed rest, 10 weeks in the NICU, an extra bonus surgery for me, a simple Christmas, and an emergency surgery for Isaac as the cherry on top, we threw all our stuff in a moving van and finally settled into our new house. And we lived happily ever after. Except we didn’t. Or at least I didn’t. There was still a pumping schedule, a baby who wouldn’t sleep unless my face was touching his, the piles of boxes to unpack taunting me as I was chained to a pump, not mention the piles of emotions I hadn’t unpacked either.

One evening, I found myself awkwardly sitting on a couch in a therapist’s office, making very stilted small talk. He saw right through me, and cut to the chase, “You’re a busy new mom, I know there’s a reason you’re here” but even then I couldn’t bring myself to open up. Finally he said, “I get the sense that you don’t think you’re allowed to be here.” And he was right. My baby lived, his life was miraculously spared not once, not twice, but three times, our NICU stay was smooth, motherhood was what I had wanted for years. This is what I had always wanted. There were people out there who were sicker, sadder, lonelier, and we’d been abundantly blessed. With our abundance of blessings, wasn’t it ungrateful for me to be struggling?

Luckily, he disagreed. Here’s how he explained: If you’re hiking and get a blister, every step you take is painful. Sure there might be someone further ahead on the trail who’s broken a leg. Of course, they’ve got severe injuries that need care and attention. But that still doesn’t change the fact that the blister is painful, and that it hinders any progress you make. Acknowledging the blister in no way discredits the pain of the person with a broken leg.

I don’t share this with you to air out the nitty-gritty of my private therapy sessions, but because we all buy into this lie from time to time. We don’t think our troubles are big enough for attention because we know of someone who’s suffering more. How does our reluctance to admit to our struggles help those with heavier crosses? It doesn’t. There’s enough mercy and consolation to go around. Sometimes, we’ll have blisters, sometimes we’ll be the one with a broken leg. One person’s blister could be another person’s broken leg (this analogy is a dead horse now, right? I'll stop, you’re welcome). Two years later, I’m glad to have gotten some ointment for my “blisters,” they’re mostly a memory. If you have some nagging blisters, I hope you get some balm for them too.

Five Favorites: The Post-Partum You

So thrilled to be linking up with this week's host of Five Faves, Mary Kate!

Now, down to business, could I have come up with a cornier title? Nope. I tried. You're welcome. I don't think I get to say post-partum anymore since we're two weeks shy of a year, but from the other side, these are the things that made me feel not so much like death-warmed-over.

~1~

Eyeliner. In the unfortunate event that seeing your baby requires going out in public. Eyeliner. Even if you don't plan on leaving the house for many many days, those glimpses in the mirror will look that much less haggard. And you'll like it, I promise. I used to steer clear of eyeliner thinking it was setting the bar way too high for a daily routine. A friend once told me she could never not wear eyeliner because since everyone was used to seeing her with it on, without it even the people she lived with were convinced she had a cold. That stayed with me and I didn't think I was up for the challenge. I was wrong, forgive me, eyeliner. 

You hardly notice I'm still in pajamas because eyeliner

~2~

Sticking with the theme of eyes for a second, an eye brow wax. One of my aunts calls it the cheapest facelift money can buy. A $10 facelift? Get one.

~3~

And while you're at the salon anyway, a haircut. Be honest, it's just a matter of weeks before it all starts falling out anyway. I'm a firm believer that the temptation to chop your hair off in pregnancy is really just a desire to not look pregnant anymore. But now you're not pregnant, so chop away my friend. And take your biotin for the hair loss.

~4~

Jeans that fit. Have you ever read a blog post about a woman who bought a pair of postpartum jeans and regretted it? Nope, didn't think so. So bite the bullet and don't look at the size. Bonus points for a higher rise to go easy on your diastasis recti and or c-section scar. 

~5~

And on a much less light hearted note, therapy. Even if you think its just a phase and you'll get through. Even if all you ever wanted was to be a mother, so you're afraid to admit life's got you down. Even if you're terrified that you'll fork over the cash for a therapy session only to have them tell you you're over reacting, which they won't. If the thought has crossed your mind that talking to someone might help, do it. Is this a necessity for every new mom? Of course not, and we all have our bad days, but at least give it a good think. Healthy babies need happy mamas, and your husband won't mind it either.